Are you having the wrong kind of sex?

October 10, 2014

If you have tendency to feign a headache tonight, you might ask yourself why. For some women it can be because life experiences have put them off sex – either they’ve learnt that “good girls don’t….” and they feel uncomfortable with their sexuality or they may have been unfortunate enough to have suffered some kind of sexual trauma. But for most women, I believe that the reason they lose interest in sex is not because of trauma or abuse, but something much simpler.

I believe that most women simply aren’t having the kind of sex they want to have. Perhaps your partner is more interested in their own orgasm than yours, perhaps they want penetration faster than you do or are less interested in foreplay or cuddling. If you have different needs and desires and don’t get them met in sex it can be disheartening and disappointing. The chances are that before long you lose interest in having the wrong type of sex because you know you’re not going to get the kind you want.

Communication is Key

The way to move through this is for women to ask for what they want. If you’re not having the kind of sex you’re enjoying, then you need to ask for it. Let’s face it; most men want to have sex. And most men are prepared to do what it takes to get what they want. Just think about this for a moment. This puts women in a powerful place, but most women don’t consider it in this way. Many men have worked out a way to get what they want with the minimum effort. After all, as guys, we’re not entirely stupid creatures – and women let them get away with that.

Often this involves a tried and tested method; a touch here, a stroke there and he’s in. Many men are focused on penetration and their own orgasm. Once that’s “achieved” they can feel like “job done!” Leaving the woman frustrated and disappointed.

I believe that when women begin to stand up and demand more from their men, we as men, will have little choice but to step up. Think of it this way; if all the women in the community suddenly decided that they would only date pirates, the next day there would be a lot of men wearing eyes patches and wandering about with parrots on their shoulders!

Who Says Men Want Sex More?

Many people define sex as the act of penetration. For me this is a very limiting description. So perhaps men want one type of sex more than some women (although I acknowledge that often women can have a higher sex drive than men). However, if we consider sex more broadly – and include cuddling, foreplay and so on, the demand for this broader definition of sex is often higher amongst women.

So ladies, stop allowing yourselves to put up with the wrong kind of sex and start asking for what you want. You might find your headaches disappear.

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