The shape of a woman

January 24, 2013

Oceanic Bliss
The natural state of the feminine is to be in her flow. In her true state, she is oceanic bliss. So often they do not allow themselves to experience this blissful state of fluidity but when they do, they are deep, mysterious, ever-changing, sometimes dangerous, sometimes serene, powerful and changeable. At some point the tide will be coming in. This may be a woman’s “Yes!” At another time the tide will be going out. This may be the woman’s “No!”

We simple, much more linear men, can get very confused by this. “What do you mean – No? Yesterday you said Yes to the same question!” This ever-changing nature can confuse and frighten some men. The truth is that the feminine is much more present in the moment than the masculine. She is a state of energy in motion and as such, her Yes’s and No’s may change in each moment. But this doesn’t make them any less true. When her tide is coming in – it’s a Yes. When it’s going out, it’s a No. Men: we may true to stand in the way of this tidal flow…but I wouldn’t recommend it. The oceanic state of the feminine will do whatever is right for her in each moment.

Too often this changeability is too much for a smaller man to handle. When a woman is in her full flow, she is in her power. This scares some men, so they try to limit her. Men who are not in their full masculine will often try to block, dam or channel the feminine into some path, some lesser flow that suits them and feels less threatening. If a woman allows this she allows an essential part of herself to be reduced and her power fades in that moment.

Women & Boundaries
Sometimes a woman may be disconnected from her feminine flow. This may be because she does not have a strong sense of herself, a sense of who she is as a fully powerful, mature woman. This unclear sense of self is sadly very frequent and is especially true of those who have experienced sexual abuse, particularly in childhood. This can manifest as having unclear boundaries, particularly around their sexuality.

A woman must be clear about her Yes’s and No’s, otherwise she can too easily find herself in situations, especially sexually, where she is behaving in ways which her body, heart or emotions do not want. Since Western society prizes the mind above all things it ignores feelings, intuition and the body.

This disconnect from the body, coupled with unclear sense of boundaries can lead people (and in this society women are doubly susceptible) into situations which they later regret or may even sometimes be unsafe. Men can be very good at exerting pressure on women to perform sexual acts which they may not feel comfortable doing but don’t feel able to say no to. So, learning our own personal boundaries is essential to having healthy interactions with others, even if it is just a brief sexual encounter.

The Water & the Ice Tray
Sometimes women without a clear sense of self look to others to create it for them. Again this is often true sexually. A woman lacking her own sense of self and being unclear about her boundaries may look to her partner to create them for her.

In this situation I see the woman in her natural state a fluid, she is water, flowing and changing. But being unclear of her own boundaries she pours herself into the container created by the masculine. If this is an unhealthy exchange the man may seek to limit her. The image I use for this is of water being poured into an ice cube tray. The feminine is in her flow, but being unclear of boundaries looks to the man to provide them. Instead of giving her freedom, he pours her into a container which he defines himself – the ice cube tray. Allowing herself to become limited by the man, she becomes frozen. She is no longer in her own flow but she is so relieved to have some sense of boundaries that she accepts this static, frozen position. But the limits are not set by her, but my the man. She has given away her power. The man is controlling her, but in limiting her he denies both himself and her the joy of experiencing a woman in her full power and the beauty of a woman in her flow.

The Wine & the Wine Glass
However, it is true that in order for the feminine to fully be in her flow, she needs to feel safely contained. A woman will hold herself up until she feels able to relax into her flow with a man who creates a safe enough container for her. But men: this does not mean limiting the woman.

For a healthier analogy of the masculine creating a safe container for feminine I like to think of a wine glass. The masculine is the wine glass, creating a safe environment for the woman. It is solid, has a firm base and can hold whatever the woman brings.

The woman, of course, is the wine. Poured into the glass, she retains her fluid state but is safely held. To savour a really good wine you must allow it to breathe. A fine wine must be given the freedom to move in the glass so that all its richness and subtleties can shine forth. To bring out the flavour of a good wine you do not stopper it, the wine glass has no lid on it. The feminine can move within the glass, in a swirl of her own richness. She has space to breathe and in doing so will release the subtle delights which only a woman can offer.

So, although a woman needs a safe container to feel free enough to move, she is not to stopped up or frozen, otherwise she will lose her essential fluidity and disconnect from her feminine. Like a fine wine, a woman should never be frozen or limited.

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