Relationship as gate-keeper

January 24, 2013

Some relationships last a life time. Most, however, do not. The relationship is a mirror for where we are in our life and on our journey. If we can see relationship not as a statement about how the Other is but as a reflection of ourselves it can serve as an illuminating mirror to show us more about who we are at that time.

Every relationship is a lesson in love, sometimes a painful one. We may engage fully in love with the Other and then reach a point where the lesson is learnt and it is time to move on.

If you’re in relationship, look at your partner. Observe what attracts you to them. These are reflections of your own state of being right now. The wonderful things you see in your partner are also present in you. Now look at what stops them opening fully into love with you. These parts, too, are reflections of you. What part of yourself is stopping you from opening fully into love?

It may be that you have been lucky enough to find someone with whom you will spend the rest of your life. But, practically speaking, the chances are that you are in a relationship which will not endure. Don’t despair. I don’t mean to be negative, but to highlight how valuable these relationships can be if entered into with awareness.

Each person we attract into our lives in relationship (and that includes friendships and work relationships as well as intimate lovers) serves to show us something of ourselves. Each relationship is a lesson in love. In each relationship there is a psychic contract. Look at your relationship and ask yourself what is the lesson that you have (probably unconsciously) agreed to teach each other in this relationship. It may be that you have agreed to explore your sexuality more fully, or to test the trustability of a partner, learning along the way what behaviours bring you closer to this sense of trust, and which pull you away from it. Whatever the lesson, become aware of it and work to honour it in relationship.

If a relationship has run its course, and the lesson is learnt, it’s time to move on. If it no longer honours who you are or have become, it’s time to move on. If it no longer serves your higher good, it’s time to move on.

Ideally each new relationship builds on the last. The lessons of the previous relationships are incorporated into the new one and additional ones learnt. From a developmental perspective, each level of development includes and transcends the previous one.

Sometimes relationships endure, most don’t. In many relationships the Other can serve as a Gate-Keeper. You meet them on your path. You walk together for a while, then part company, the relationship having naturally served its purpose and having reached a natural conclusion. If the Other is a Gate-Keeper for you, he or she will take you forward in some way. You will become expanded, learning new lessons on your way and in learning these lessons, new possibilities arise. You will see new ways of being. The Other can show you this gateway which opens to a wonderful new world of possibility. But the Other cannot always walk with you into this new place. If they hold the key to the gate, that is if they show you this new way of being without being able to model it themselves, then they are a Gate-Keeper. Allow them to show you the way, but know that they cannot come with you through this gate. If this is the case, it may be that the relationship has served its purpose and it may no longer serve you to continue in it. Do not become angry with the Other for not being able to continue on your journey with you. Of course they can’t come with you; they are a Gate-Keeper, if they move on too they can no longer stand by the gate. So honour them for showing you the gate, bless them and move on, thanking them for their generosity.

In this way we can allow ourselves to move on from relationship and honour it, acknowledging the blessings that it brought us while still recognising that it was time to move on.

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