As I continue to work with female clients, I have noticed how many have been effected by some form of birthing trauma. I’m beginning to realise that this is a significant and often unspoken issue in our society.
Statistics show that 25% of women will miscarriage at some time in their lives. According to the UK’s Department of Health, a further 200,000 women have terminations every year in the UK. Even the act of giving birth successfully may lead to trauma, with many women experiencing physical scarring and emotional difficulties afterwards. Many women have painful episiotomies or internal tearing as a result of giving birth which can effect sensitivity later as well as how they feel about themselves sexually.
Sometimes, partners see a woman differently after she has given birth and find it difficult to reconnect with their sexual desire for them. The woman herself may have difficulty in filling the role of mother whilst at the same time being sexual with her partner. In addition immediately post-partum the body is undergoing a massive hormonal shift and readjusting to its new situation.
The more I work the more I realise that this is a huge issue which many women are carrying without openly discussing it or seeking help to resolve it. I have repeatedly found when I perform bodywork either on the abdomen or internally (intra-vaginally), that a huge amount of grief is often stored in the body as a result of birthing trauma of one kind or another.
If you have a loving partner, he or she may be able to support you to release those emotions. Make sure you are in a safe, relaxed setting with plenty of time. Go slowly and don’t have expectations. Let them begin by massaging your belly all over. It’s a good idea to use oil to make it a more pleasurable experience. Gradually let them move their touch to the lower part of your abdomen, just above the pelvic bones and a few inches to either side. If you or your partner is especially sensitive you may even be able to feel your ovaries there. By gently massaging them, you may get in touch with old emotions which have been stored there. The purpose of this massage is to help you release them.
However, I would offer a word of caution before trying this at home. I would recommend that you do this only if you are in a safe, loving space and with a partner who is able to deal with a strong emotional response from the woman. Touching these places on the body may lead to intense releases of feelings and should only be done in a supportive environment.
If this feels too much to attempt with a partner or if you simply don’t have one then I would recommend seeking out professional help to guide you though this process.
Whatever approach you take, my hope is that you will be able to let go of any tensions that are held in your body and that this in turn will free you to feel more confident sexually.