Attracting unavailable partners: part 2

January 24, 2013

Are you surrounded by male friends but wondering why you haven’t met the lover you hunger for?

You are very comfortable in the company of men, perhaps even more at ease with men than with women. You have plenty of male friends, some of whom you love deeply and have a deep connection with. You can be relaxed and playful with them, you can share intimate thoughts, feelings and secrets with them, but you’d never sleep with your friends. You are not hanging out with them because you go to football with them or get drunk either. You simply enjoy being around them; you understand men and feel at ease in their company.

And yet despite being surrounded by these men, you don’t have a boyfriend and certainly not the mature masculine lover that your heart is longing to be met by. So, if you’re so relaxed and yourself around men, why on earth not?

Well, the answer is simple. If you surround yourself with men with whom you have no intention of sleeping a couple of things happen. Firstly you may give off signals to some other available men that you already have enough men in your life and this may put them off. But a man in his masculine will not be deterred by this.

So there is another reason. Ask yourself why you choose to surround yourself with men you choose not to sleep with.

The sacred feminine wants to be seen by the sacred masculine. In being in the company of men you are partly fulfilling that deeply felt need. You can get your need for the masculine met in a very undemanding and unthreatening way. You can enjoy the benefits of the masculine at a distance as it were. You can have a taste of the essence of masculine without actually needing to engage with it more fully.

David Deida makes a great observation about this. He says (and I paraphrase mildly) “imagine that your most perfect lover has just spent hours making love to you. He’s opened you up more than you can open yourself, he’s ravished you until you melt, he has exposed your heart, every cell in your body feels pummelled, alive, tenderised to infinity, he’s opened you to beyond that, light shining through you and he’s relentless in his loving you for hours and hours……..” And now imagine that your platonic male friend comes round for supper. How attractive is he in that moment??

And because when you’re with your platonic male friends you prepare yourself, in effect you train yourself, to make yourself that little bit less attractive – because they’re platonic friends and you don’t want to sleep with them, so unconsciously you tone down your natural feminine power and beauty to a level where you cease to attract the attention from these men you don’t want them to give you.

Your body becomes used to this toning down effect and learns it so that when you do go out on dates it doesn’t know what level of femininity to present. This is not to say that platonic male friends are a bad thing for women, just that we always need to be aware of our interaction with the others. Every interaction with another has a sexual element to it. So just be aware of what level of sexuality you want to project and turns the filters on or off accordingly.

Your body yearns to be taken by the masculine and to be met at its deepest level of the soul. If you try to get that need met by platonic male relationships, you are constantly frustrating yourself. In effect you are only filling yourself up half way and at a deeper level you will always feel unfulfilled. So make a conscious choice about where and how you get your needs from men met and choose to bring all of your femininity to your meetings with men. Then it is more likely that when you bring your full feminine, you will be met by the full masculine and both male and female will find the deep sense of wholeness which comes from that sacred union of polar opposites.

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